First and foremost, thank you to everyone who reached out to offer support and kind, loving words after reading last week’s incredibly vulnerable post. Thank you as well to those of you who silently sent loving thoughts and prayer to me and my dad. I’m happy to report that he’s back home now, and we had a nice heart to heart conversation on Friday. There’s still some uncertainty ahead, but the scariest part has passed…
I am grateful for the insights my story provided others, for the catharsis it provided me, and the reminder to relisten to books that teach me this whole hearted way of living. Rising Strong by Brené Brown has been invaluable in teaching me how to get back up after a fall like the one I experienced last week - you can get your own copy here, or listen to it if you prefer.
I’m also grateful for the permaculture principles I’ve learned that permeate this emotional journey, in particular, “integration rather than segregation.” Integrating our less than perfect parts into our self-identity is vital to living a happy and fulfilling life. When we avoid or deny those parts, 'issues' develop. For example, by avoiding the pain of the 9 year old inside of me, my 'daddy issues' were born. Yes, it was painful to allow myself to feel that pain, even 22 years later, but by feeling it I was finally able to heal it. Release cannot happen without moving through the emotion.
Once I stopped denying that pain, the intial waves of hurt felt unbearable. Trusting the process, I let go of judgement, and allowed it move through me. “This too shall pass” is most true in moments like that. Today, I feel more connected to myself, my friends, my man, and my dad. By releasing that pain, and integrating that story into my life, I was also able to release the anger that was protecting me from the pain. The result - I feel more at ease and at peace. Keeping these parts of ourselves segregated (I’m tougher than that mentality) creates chaos. Integrating them creates peace.
The other permaculture concept I applied, was the idea of stacking functions. In short, the idea is that one thing can serve many purposes. Last week, I needed to write a blog post, but I also needed to process the intense emotional experience I was having. While journaling, I realized that combining the two would serve both purposes, and also provide tremendous value, by offering an inside look into how a Healer heals. Additional ‘functions’ included greater intimacy (both with friends and family), a friend understanding why her man has been so distant lately, and another friend recognizing that she too gets mad instead of sad.
As a result, I have decided to stack functions beginning this week, and combine #MandalaMondays with my weekly blog post. This being the 20th week of my mandala practice, I will be transitioning the entire practice into #ThoughfulTuesdays when the time feels right. My initial intention with mandala Mondays was to develop a consistent practice in weekly sharing, and meditation. I’m happy to say that it has served that purpose, and as the coloring book is almost complete, I feel ready to graduate from it. Whether or not I’ll continue sharing them is to be determined. This is what it means to go with the flow. As I’ve become more comfortable with seated meditation, using the guidance of Headspace, coloring to post on Mondays is no longer the only way for me to meditate. Doing both while also working on behind the scenes development was becoming too much. Hence this decision.
To you my dear reader, I will leave you with these reflective questions: which of these principles/ideas resonates with you the most? Integration rather than segregation, stacking functions, or going with the flow? Which one are you vibing with today, this week, or this month? Honor whatever lesson life is teaching you, and don’t be afraid to change course. When one path ends, you have the chance to get on another one. Enjoy the adventure!
As always, I love hearing your feedback, either via a private email, or in the comments below. Thanks again for all the love last week my dearest tribe. Have a beautiful week!
Lots of love,